Post Surgery Update

I haven't talked much about my post surgery healing.  I figured it was due time for an update.  I'm doing well physically.  At my last post-op appointment, my HCG levels had dropped drastically.  It had been 8 days from my time in the hospital to that appointment.  It feels good to be able to eat a normal meal and to be able to drink fluids without feeling like I'm going to expel it all via Exorcism style. Believe me, don't EVER take water for granted. It really is a precious commodity and necessity.  Before all this started, I was drinking a gallon or more a day.  When I was at my worst, I couldn't even down a glass of water without it coming right back up.  Now?  I'm almost back up to my original status. YAY! Just a few more post-op appointments to make sure my levels drop to zero. I can help my husband feel as though he's not alone in our partnership in marriage and as parents.  I feel good knowing I can be there for my kids.  I can chase them around the house to tickle them, make them pancakes and hug and kiss them. :)  

The downfall?  I've started to finally feel the emotional impact this has had on me and my family.  Don't get me wrong, having this blog has helped the process move along a lot smoother.  The pain I feel isn't so much of a loss, as it is for having the knowledge I do now on what could have happened to me had we not taken the chance to seek out proper emergency medical care. I had to educate myself on something that I was completely clueless about.  Complete Molar Pregnancy.  The term still sounds foreign to my ears. 

*Just as a side note: I know that I explained a teensy weensy bit about what a complete molar pregnancy is, but just in case you all would like more information on this...(as described by the Mayo Clinic  http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/molar-pregnancy/basics/definition/con-20034413 )...

A molar pregnancy is a noncancerous (benign) tumor that develops in the uterus. It starts when an egg is fertilized, but instead of a normal, viable pregnancy resulting, the placenta develops into an abnormal mass of cysts.

In a complete molar pregnancy, there's no embryo or normal placental tissue. In a partial molar pregnancy, there's an abnormal embryo and possibly some normal placental tissue. The embryo begins to develop but is malformed and can't survive.

A molar pregnancy can have serious complications — including a rare form of cancer — and requires early treatment.

A molar pregnancy may seem like a normal pregnancy at first, but most molar pregnancies cause specific signs and symptoms, including:

• Dark brown to bright red vaginal bleeding during the first trimester
• Severe nausea and vomiting
• Sometimes vaginal passage of grape-like cysts
• Rarely pelvic pressure or pain

A molar pregnancy is caused by an abnormally fertilized egg. Shortly after fertilization, the chromosomes from the mother's egg are lost or inactivated and the father's chromosomes are duplicated. The egg may have had an inactive nucleus or no nucleus. In a partial or incomplete molar pregnancy, the mother's chromosomes remain but the father provides two sets of chromosomes. 

Up to an estimated 1 in every 1,000 pregnancies is molar. 

After a molar pregnancy has been removed, molar tissue may remain and continue to grow. This is called persistent gestational trophoblastic disease (GTD). It occurs in about 1 of every 5 women after a molar pregnancy — usually after a complete mole rather than a partial mole.

One sign of persistent GTD is when the level of human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) — a pregnancy hormone — remains high after the molar pregnancy has been removed. In some cases, an invasive mole penetrates deep into the middle layer of the uterine wall, which causes vaginal bleeding. Persistent GTD can nearly always be successfully treated, most often with chemotherapy. Another treatment option is removal of the uterus (hysterectomy).

Rarely, a cancerous form of GTD known as choriocarcinoma develops and spreads to other organs. Choriocarcinoma is usually successfully treated with multiple cancer drugs.

A molar pregnancy can't continue as a normal viable pregnancy. To prevent complications, the molar tissue must be removed. Treatment usually consists of one or more of the following:

• Dilation and curettage (D&C). To treat a molar pregnancy, your doctor removes the molar tissue from your uterus during a procedure called dilation and curettage (D&C). A D&C is usually done as an outpatient procedure in a hospital.
  During the procedure, you receive a local or general anesthetic and lie on your back with your legs in stirrups. Your doctor inserts a speculum into your vagina, as in a pelvic exam, to see your cervix. Your doctor then dilates your cervix and removes uterine tissue with a vacuum device. A D&C usually takes about 15 to 30 minutes.
• Hysterectomy. If the molar tissue is extensive and there's no desire for future pregnancies, you might have surgery to remove your uterus (hysterectomy).
• HCG monitoring. After the molar tissue is removed, your doctor repeats measurements of your HCG level until it returns to normal. If you continue to have HCG in your blood, you may need additional treatment. Once treatment for the molar pregnancy is complete, your doctor may continue to monitor your HCG levels for six months to one year to make sure there's no remaining molar tissue. Because pregnancy makes it difficult to monitor HCG levels, your doctor may recommend waiting until after follow-up before trying to become pregnant again.

So, yeah...you can see why I was so freaked out when I was at the hospital finding out about this.  I know that my chances are slim about me getting anything cancerous, but...cancer? OMG.  The fear, unfortunately, is still there. I don't have a difficult time seeing my friends with their babies or hearing about their pregnancies.  Those things actually make my smile and lift my heart to a higher place. I'm genuinely happy for my friends. :) The hard part I keep butting heads with, is when I look at the situation as a whole and realize I'm lucky. I know I'm okay, but seeing everything that happened and reading back through what I've went through, has left me a little stunned.  I didn't realize how much I had really went through until I talked with my husband and kids about the whole ordeal.  James told me how he was seriously concerned about my well-being at the time. To hear that sense of pain and worry in my husband's voice, just rocked me to the core. We're all still having a difficult time conceptualizing that reality. 

I have my spiritual faith to help calm me during this time. I'm lucky to have the friends and family that I do, during this time, to lend their love and support to us.  Their love, friendship, listening skills and compassion has been invaluable. I thank them for who they are and what they've done. <3 

Just know, if there is any of you out there that need support during your time of loss and grief, you are not alone and there are resources at your fingertips.  If you have any questions and would like some help to locate or reach these resources; don't be afraid to talk to your doctor, counselor, friend, family member or local support group.  You don't have to be alone. Don't blame yourself.  Don't be afraid to talk to someone. Don't lose hope. 

<3 We are not alone. <3